The world according to Felicia.

This is a picture of my aunt, that is my mothers little sister. She is still studying at the university. I like her. I didn’t see her the first few days, but lately she comes to visit me every day.

In the middle you can see my mother. But you probably know her already.

Grandmom is sitting on the floor with me, but you can’t see me, only my grandmom. She is a nurse. But not a nurse that takes care of small people like me. She works at the hospital, with old people. I mean really, really old people, that maybe won’t leave the hospital ever. Not like me. I left after a few days.

Now you can see me. But I can’t see you. I can’t see anyone. As usual I am sleeping again. I have noticed that I do that alot. Almost all the time to be honest. It is a lot of sleep. I guess it is like that at this age. You sleep almost all the time.

My other grandmother, the one who lives in Sweden, whom I haven’t met yet, she told my dad she want to see some pictures where I have my eyes open. But, you know grandma, who live in Sweden, it is not so easy for my dad to show you pictures like that. As I just said, I sleep alot.

And usually, I have found out, usually when you sleep, you close your eyes. It is very hard, in my short experience anyway, to sleep with your eyes open. Maybe that is something you learn when you grow older. To sleep with your eyes open. Who knows? I have to ask my dad that later. He probably knows.

But here are some more pictures of me. Especially for you farrmor Lena. That is her name. My swedish grandmother. She will come to see me next year. Looking forward to that. You hear that farmor? I miss you even though I haven’t met you. See, I start to learn some swedish words already. Farmor…

OK, sorry farmor, no eyes… I am crying. I miss you. Please come soon. You have to do the countdown yourself. As you know, I am not very good at counting yet. Eyes are coming, wait… waking up.

OK, I start slowly. One eye at a time. Starting to wake up… I think I start with my left eye. Is that OK for everyone? I don’t care, I want to start with my left eye, so that is what I do. There you are. One eye.

OK, on to the next one. I am wondering what it will be like, when my swedish grandparents come here… Hmm… we have to buy them a bed I think. They could of course sleep in my bed… but, no, I guess grandparents are at least as big as mothers. And I remember from the hospital that my mom couldn’t sleep in my bed.

I guess dad have to go back to Central again, to find a bed. Maybe I can stay awake next time. So I can tell you all more what Central is like… Mmm, good idea. I will do that.

That’s all for today folks. Ah, I throw in some more photos, eyes-open-photos, before closing down for today. Enjoy. See you later.

This morning my grandma came to give me a bath. It is not like mom and dad can’t do it. They are very good at giving me a bath. It is more like grandma wants to give me a bath.

She is working very hard at the moment, you see, because she says that in three months, when mom have to get back to work, she will stay home with me instead. So now she have to work a lot.

That means that when she is at home, she like to come and visit me. Just looking at me, or talking to me, is not enough for grandma. She needs to touch me too. So when she’s around, she does everything. Except giving me food. She doesn’t have any either.

Believe me, I have tried. She’s like my father. No food. Nothing.

But she likes to change my diapers. She tell dad to go and watch TV or relax or something. She will do the changing. Dad can do something else. That is what she says. My grandma.

My father says that she is not a grandma, not in his language. That swedish sound-thing I was talking about the other day. In that swedish thing, he says she is a mormor. In my mom’s language she is neither grandma nor mormor. Then she is a yaai, or something like that.

That’s fine with me. She can be whatever she wants to be, as long as she keeps the water out of my eyes when giving me a bath. I don’t like that, water in the eyes. But if there’s no water in my eyes, I really enjoy bathing. It feels good.

Today, apart from getting a bath from grandma/mormor/yaai, I went outside the house for the first time. Not really for the first time. I mean, I have been outside before. To the hospital.

Well, the hospital doesn’t count. That was where it all started. So I really didn’t go to the hospital. It’s more like I went from the hospital. Other than that trip from the hospital, I only have been outside my house. And walked between my house and my grandparents house. Our houses are next to eachother, so it really doesn’t count as going somewhere.

But today I went somewhere for the first time. I went to Central Department Store. That is actually not very far either. We live just behind it. But still, it is going somewhere.

Because at Central, there are people that I don’t know. Strangers. That is going somewhere. When you go somewhere where there are strangers.

But don’t ask me about it. How it was or something like that. I have no idea. You see, I was really tired. So, I didn’t see Central. I slept the whole time. But I heard that they bought an airconditioner. And a waterfilter. So soon we have it nice and cold in the bedroom at night, and we can drink the water from the tap. Before we stole our water from grandpa…

They also bought two new fans. I haven’t seen them yet, so I can’t tell you if they are any good. I’ll be back on that.

Hi There. It is me, Felicia. I am back again. If somebody missed me.

So, now I have been home for a few days. With my mom. My dad had to work. He said he wanted to stay home with us, but it was impossible, because he really had to work. Something about a meeting. With a customer.

Whatever. I don’t know about those things. The only thing I know, and care about, is that he was not home with us. With me and mom.

But mom told me that dad has to work. If he doesn’t work, how can we stay in this house of ours? I want to stay in this house, so I guess I have to live with the fact that dad is not home with us every day.

But he comes back as fast as he can every evening. And then he talk to me until I fall asleep. Or until it is time for me to eat.

When I eat I have to stay with mom. She is the only one that have food.

I have tried to eat with dad too, but it doesn’t work. No matter where I try to find food on him, nothing. Absolutely nothing. So when I am hungry, I have to go to mom. Dad is good when I am full already. Or when my diaper is full.

He always change my diapers. Or, not always, of course he only change when I did something in them. He is not stupid, my dad. Or, not that stupid anyway.

When it is time to change my diaper, he takes me to the laundry room. That is what it was supposed to be. A room to do the laundry in. But now, in The World according to Felicia, it is also a diper-changing-room for me. You want to see what it looks like?

This works great. But I wish the view from the window was nicer. As it is now all I can see is some old, ugly, dirty wall. Dad says he will do something about it, but we have to wait for grandpa. Grandpa is doing something on the other side of that wall and my dad says he wants to wait until that thing is finished before he make the wall look nicer. He says that you never know what grandpa is up to. Maybe we don’t even have a wall there in two weeks. Then it is no use to make it nice. If it will be gone anyway.

So for the moment I try not to look out of that window. I concentrate on dad instead. He talks so much when he change my diapers. I think he talks about the fingers and the toes. And they all seem to have different names. But I am not sure yet. I think it will take a few more changed diapers before I have figured that one out. I mean, there are so many of them. The fingers and the toes.

Today was a big day. Not only is it the birthday of the King of Thailand. It is also fathers day. And the day we went home.

I was very anxious of getting home. I wanted to see my house. My room. My bed. Everything. So I woke up very early. Already 6 o’clock. My dad went out to talk to the nurses, so they could prepare everything. Like tell the doctor to come and check me up, and to check my mother too. But they were so slow. Daddy had to tell them a million times. Finally he got angry and told them that if they didn’t have the bill finished so he could pay before 12, then we would leave anyway. That made them jump. 5 minutes later he could pay. Then he came up to the room and put me into the new car seat they had bought for me. Unfortunately we don’t have any pictures of that, dad forgot to take any.

Mommy’s brother came and picked us up in his car. I got to sit in the front seat. Mom, dad and grandma was sitting in the back. But I don’t remember anything, because I was sleeping all the way home. The last thing I remembered was a doctor checking my head. I have a small problem with my head. But the doctor told me not to worry. It will be alright.

The problem was that the top of my head came out, but then I stopped for a few minutes before the rest of me popped out. So my head is a little bit misformed on one side. I have some blood between the skull and the skin. I don’t remember what the doctor called it, but it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t hurt and it will go away. But my dad says it looks like I have a helmet on. Like the guys who want to ride a bike really, really fast.

I have no idea what he is talking about.

The next thing I remember is eating. From my mothers breast. At home. Finally home. I like home. Even though it is hot. Not like the hospital. Because we don’t have any airconditioner yet. But dad says he will buy one really soon. I don’t mind. It is nice not to have to wear a hat inside. I don’t like that. Even though everybody says I look cute in the pink hat of mine.

I don’t remember so much of the rest of the day. All the commotion with the doctor and the nurses and the drive home and everything made me sleepy. I didn’t want to sleep in my new bed the first night at home, so I slept in my parents bed. In the middle.

I think I will sleep in my own bed tomorrow.

This was the first day I really started to look around. To see what was happening around me. The two first days of my life was kind of stressful. So bright, so noicy. Not as when I was still in my mothers womb. There everything was kind of in the distance. But for the last three days, everything has been so vivid. So close up. So I mostly just shut my eyes and tried to block everything out.

I listened alot of course. My mother didn’t say much, but dad spoke as soon as I opened my eyes. I like it, but I have no idea what he is talking about. He is talking differently, compared to my mother. And to all the other people too, that I have heard so far. He says he is speaking swedish to me. And all the others are talking thai.

I have no idea what that means, but I trust him. Maybe some day I can talk like him too. I hope so. I think I will be able to talk to him in that swedish sound… because, as I said, my dad talks a lot with me. He talks more than all the other people who comes to my room do together.

But today I got curious. I wanted to know what this place looked like. We had a nice view from our room. My mom told me that if you follow this road outside the hospital you will come to our house. You can’t see it on this picture, but it is over there somewhere in the distance. I wonder what it looks like. I bet it is nice. Cause it is all brand new. They just moved in a few months ago.

They say I will have my own room. When I get older. But first I will sleep in my parents bedroom. They already bought me a bed. It is nice.

This is what it looks like, my new bed. I got it from my grandparents. Nice people. They haven’t seen me yet, and still they buy me a bed. They are coming to visit me in February. All the way from Sweden. I am looking forward to that.

My new bed is still in my room. Dad will move it to their bedroom later. When we get home. I can’t wait to get home. I think we will go home tomorrow. On the King’s birthday. It is many birthdays at this time of the year. Me and daddy and the king.